The Day I Wanted To Quit: A Personal Narrative

1424 words - 6 pages

Who can fight a lost battle? No one can...still we have to fight just like the Samurai...Who can die easily but cannot justify their Self respect? I had never believed in Destiny, Never believed in prayers, never believed in giving away my all only to a “Faith” that says "What ever has to happen will happen...” I have never quit... Until my Grandfather passed away... When he was ill, I always thought, how can I ever replace this man? How can I ever depend on somebody else? How can I share my innermost with someone? I consulted doctors, here and abroad... Thinking.. there has to be some solution... I even contacted a Scientist who is working on the Theory of Manhood Sustained. I wanted my grandfather to be living forever. I was wrong. It seems I am always wrong. I am passionate for loosing cases. When my Grandfather passed away... I felt his presence in a different way... I felt him beside me always. But somehow he substituted himself with another person who knows everything about me. My Life is a scrambled up collage. People see me in a different way, how ever they want to see me. Some see me as a workaholic, some see me as a writer who is in love with herself, some see me as a fighter,fighting against different causes, some see me as sole person wanting to bring change, some see me as a weak, fragile person who seems to be the most insecure, some see me as a woman who is strict, who is straight forward, who lives her life singly, some see me innocent, some see me guilty, some see me begging, some see me vulnerable ... We all are a big collage to the universe,with all our roles, with all our vulnerability, with all our prepositions... We all are acting as better as we can be... We all our trying to put back a collage to fit ourselves, fit everything around us. I also do. My self collage is pretty. So many experiences that I cherished.
Some experiences brings back the best in me. Some experiences make me miserable. Some experiences had detoured me, molded me, brought me back in a new way. The journey of life had been pretty. All the great expectations that I had, may be all were not fulfilled but strangely new ways, new people, new things made me expect more from life... made me expect more from myself. I had done stupidest mistakes in my life... I did stupid things... But still I went on changing through time to change those stupid mistakes into a recycled beautiful life of beautiful experiences. I always flowed on with time.
There were many such days when I had felt suicidal. There were many such days when I saw no hope in what I do. Sometimes I felt miserable feeling that how people can be so ungrateful, how people can be so inhuman. Sometimes I had invested all my emotions on certain people... but i failed,or rather they failed me. Sometimes Luck was not on my side. Sometimes, I couldn't logically judge why this happened to me? But I went on fighting against all odds. I fought, fought,fought until I didn't know what else to do... But always...

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